By: Martin Cisneros
For those of us that have been burned by relationships, there needs to be a place where we can find healing before we start making "I'll never do that again" type of decisions about relationships. While someone has pain, then usually the first human instinct is to shield their pain, for men to turn against women and for women to turn against men. But I believe that there are steps that can be taken by anyone out of their pain, and, if God is willing, for you to reach the point where a new relationship would be possible and eventually probable.
One hurdle for anyone that's been through an ordeal of any kind is to avoid being revictimized by blame: should've, could've, would've. This is different from introspection about why you were drawn to that type of person for a relationship, if perhaps you had unrealistic expectations about another person, if you went into a relationship overly needy when staying single and working through those issues would have probably been best, what you believe relationships are supposed to be to start with, and what it is that you have to offer to a relationship.
Relationships of any kind are ministries and shouldn't be engaged in without the Word of God, although you don't need to walk around tying everything you're saying in the context of that relationship to a Scripture in a preaching sort of way. Everything does need to be rooted in the Word of God, so don't misunderstand me, but not all of life is a sermon to be preached to others at all times. I believe that the prophetic gifts of the Holy Spirit are available for relationships, because again, a relationship is about what you're going to give and you need a lot of insight to do that in a well-balanced way where the other person is the better for it and where you're having the time of your life at the same time.
Entering into a new relationship should be fun and not about comparing it with a previous relationship that had it's good and bad points. If you catch yourself doing that, then that's not only not fair and reason to question if you're entering into a new relationship too soon, but it's comparing apples with oranges. The comparisons aren't there to be made. You can't keep loving another person through this new person in your life. It's not fair to them and it'll create erroneous expectations on your part and it could doom the new relationship from the beginning.
Healing from previous relationships is an ongoing maintenance project, just like diet and exercise, because you don't want to project anything of any former or present relationship onto this other person. If a guy's relationship with his mother is sour, then he needs to deal with that to avoid having a misunderstanding with a potential mate where he winds up thinking or saying things to the effect of "all women are that way." Worshipping God in Spirit and in Truth; with the Word and with the Bread and Cup, and with your giving and fasting are going to be the best seasons of your life for entering into that healing. Some demons don't go out but by prayer and fasting and you need that worship time with God where all that matters is Him, and where He can communicate His infinite love to you as well.