By: Martin Cisneros
Have you ever been so in love before that it hurt that you couldn't do absolutely everything for the person that you were in love with, from doing their laundry to washing their car, to tucking them in at night (whether or not you got to make mad, passionately intoxicating love with them or not!). Have you ever loved someone with that much eternity in your soul propelling your love that seemed to know no limits of depth, patience, time, or space? Have you ever loved someone to where you scarcely imagine even God loving them more than you? Have you felt the deadening blow of betrayal to your soul, even after having tasted so deeply of love that you scarcely believed that your entire being could be less than totally immortal?
Have you walked for years as a Zombie with your love continuing to grow in depth and intensity for that person, inspite of the fact that they've moved on, gotten married, died, or moved to the opposite side of the country? Has your preoccupation with other activities and other persons only increased your longing for someone that there doesn't appear to be the least hope of ever being reconciled with to the relationship that you used to have? Have you longed for something more, better, or deeper "friendship" with them only to have that tossed back in your face as utterly meaningless to them?
Have you lost all ability to love anyone else because that person isn't in your life any more? Have you lost all sense of life without them? Are my words to you today "ringing bells" of recognition with you and making the biggest, though perhaps subliminal, part of you say "DON'T GO THERE! PLEASE, DON'T GO THERE! NOT NOW! NOT EVER!!"
I have to go there because nobody else is going there and talking about things that you can relate to. Everyone else is looking to make a quick buck or a name for themselves in ministry (whether consciously or unconsciously and/or to whatever ends whether selfish or nobly intended) and I have to go "there" because nobody else will!
Do you know what devastation is? Do you know what it's like to be stuck in your heart? Do you know what it's like for a moment in time to be frozen before your eyes; before nobody's eyes but your own?
Jesus Christ can give you the separation in your being so that you can live again, outside of the oneness that you still feel with that person. Jesus Christ can give you the peace to live alone without that other person and to be able to do the things that you and He must accomplish. I know that you've [possibly/probably] totally commited yourself to never loving anyone else with that kind of love again. And while all of this is truly between you and God (and them!), I'll only go so far as to say that Jesus Christ can also introduce you to someone else that'll love you so completely that it's as though you were being loved with the love that you have for this other person, whomever they may be!
I KNOW THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT, BUT:
Life isn't so bad without so-and-so. God can give you such a hope and such an inner cleansing by the fire of His Holy Spirit that absolutely nothing else matters except for His purposes for your life. And yes, you CAN trust God, even though you've sworn at the top of your lungs (verbally or in your heart) that you would never trust Him again!
I'm not here to tell you the typical evangelical "easy" (memorized) "answers". That person may have actually indeed been "THE ONE" for you. I'm not against you or the fact that you did the gutsy-est thing that you could have ever done by loving so completely and truly and so unselfishly. God may (surprisingly) agree with you that it's THEIR sin that's cost you the relationship. You may have done everything as right as you thought that you did. But....
God NEEDS you to trust Him to make this right with you in ways that only He can make things right with you. I can't answer you on how God could possibly ever do that without this or that person. I'm not trying to give you any pat answers or blind assurances that God will feel any obligation whatsoever to fix that relationship that for any number of reasons could very likely be as GONE as it looks like it is.
Jesus Christ can take away the numbness of the deepest hell --no matter what-- if you'll only trust Him with the entirety of your soul.
You might not have been as near perfection as you thought that you were. You might have been and to keep you from getting exalted by the abundance of the revelations and manifestations of real love through you a messenger of Satan may have come into your life and done his dirty work, in a desperate attempt to DESTROY your life.
God can put the pieces back together again of your shattered soul. God can nurse you back to health from those feelings of emptiness and inner devastation and destruction. If the crucifixion teaches us anything, it teaches us that Jesus Christ can relate to feelings of having been deeply and eternally abandoned. When Jesus Christ was raised from the dead, He conquered all of that!
Jesus Christ can conquer all of that for you. Jesus Christ can take away the feelings of eternal loneliness. Jesus Christ can take away the feelings of being under some sort of eternal punishment for crimes that you don't feel like you commited (whether you, in reality, commited them or not). There's NOTHING new under the sun. Someone else in the history of romance has been totally bereft of the one that they were so entirely in love with (whether it was a literal and physical death or a spiritual death of trust). Your situation, as hard as it is to believe, isn't entirely unique, although your pain is uniquely yours and echoing with the compounded pain of your [figurative] ancestors in the ways of love.
You can live again (and you can want to live again!), but you MUST turn to Jesus Christ with your whole heart and to His Gospel with your whole soul. Your new life will be built through faith in Him and the understanding that His Holy Spirit brings you to, through the Gospel, of His purposes for your life. You must do so now, because you truly have had enough "eternal punishment" in your soul to last anyone an eternity!
Believe it or not, God won't abandon any of us to these hells that we've created for ourselves or that others have [diligently and masterfully] crafted for us. Jesus Christ is the door to Paradise, but first you must pass through the flames of obedience to Him with all of your heart [that He'll reunite for you, if you'll take the first (baby) steps of trust towards Him].
Jesus is Lord over all and even has all of our "heart-issues" worked out. To me, His mastery of "heart-issues" is where His greatest power and wisdom lies, don't you agree? People have been conquering each other for thousands of years, but Jesus Christ is the only true master of the human heart. As the Old Testament prophets have said, "Walk humbly before Him, obey Him, and live!"
Have you ever felt the sting of loneliness? Have you ever made a mistake? Have you ever felt like you might have done more to accidentally destroy a relationship with someone that you loved with your whole being than you're willing to admit to either me or yourself? Ever felt like a total failure? Ever felt worthless?
While you may ask, "who hasn't?" I want to talk about the source of those feelings and where things are heading in your life.
You may ask, "who do you think you are to think that you either understand or know what this or anything's really about?" I don't mean to arrogantly presume, but I feel like I may have a remotely valuable two-cents worth.
Hear me out, please, ok?
How worthless have you ever felt? Perhaps that's a rhetorical question. Perhaps you feel less than worthless at this exact moment. Perhaps you're scared of suicide because you're afraid of a never ending hell. Perhaps that's why you're at my web site reading this. Maybe you think that if I can convince you of there being no such thing as an ETERNAL hell that maybe you'll have more of the guts that you've been needing to "take the warrior's way out."
If you think that I'm going to, in any way, tell you that there are less frightful consequences than you've imagined thus far, then you're sadly mistaken. Actions have consequences. Beliefs have consequences. Thoughts and words have consequences. Consequences even have consequences!
Each of us is a slave to principles, whether they are those of our choosing or those we've inherited. Throughout each of our lives we will give up more and more of what we imaginatively call our personal liberties to some set of principles. Either each layer of our liberty will give itself up more and more to higher and higher servitude to greater and greater principles of holiness and justification in [what ultimately is] Christ, or we'll perpetually yield up more and more of our so-called liberties to higher and higher degrees of servitude to lower and lower principles of illusions and self-delusions about life, the nature of God, and ultimate judgment and prophecy. And Scripture assures us that to those who are self seeking and do not obey the truth, there will be indignation and wrath, tribulation and anguish upon every soul who does wrong, until the only thing that remains of us is what's childlike after all of the childishness has been stripped of us so that as a consequence we'll all be brought to the saving interventions of the prayers of Jesus Christ in the whole of our being.
Don't ever be misguided into the belief that the sufferings of the Son of God for all of humanity were any less the sufferings of the Father and of the Holy Spirit.
Their union could never have been so holy and absolute were they not easily touched with the feelings of each others infirmities, should a situation ever come about in which they were to have such infirmities (as it did happen at the cross).
No less than the heart of the Father of all must have unquestionably broken at the crucifixion, though wisely calculating the end He'd intended through the death of Christ. Though being the wise God of all Who's purposes had to come to pass, He was and is nevertheless Father God; Father of Christ and Father of all of humanity.
And what can be said of the Spirit of Holiness, as far as His part of the crucifixion? Though likewise seeing the end that would be reached still had to sigh at the cost which was no less than the momentary fragmentation of even a further area of the Family of God with the momentary loss of yet another Son of God in the person of Jesus Christ. Adam and Eve had been lost throughout the previous generations and now to reclaim them and their descendants, the Holy Family had to be broken yet again, though this time as an egg in order to both feed what was lacking in the Creation and to simultaneously be the hatching of the whole new Order which was intended from ages and generations past, though hidden from ages and generations, that God would reclaim and transform and transfigure the whole of Creation in the Son of His love, Jesus Christ.
And what can be said of the Angels of God? Though they are ever learning [and unlearning] through the Church are still never able to come to the knowledge of the truth until the full fulfillment of all things and beings in the Consummation, which is: the abolishment of everything that could ever be called a dying to the divine nature so that all would once again be holy, happy, and eternally one.
[See: 1Corinthians 15:22-28]
The birthpangs that were needful on the part of all that could ever possibly be called divinity in order to restore Holiness to Creation and thereby to restore all of Creation to all that justifies life is incalculable!
Can it be that God has planned the salvation of us all?
If by the salvation of all you think that less than the total transformation of all is expressed, implied, and required, then you've not yet heard or understood the full message of the Gospel.
The truth is that God requires the Blood of Jesus Christ at each and every single one of our hands. And the only acceptable fulfillment of God's judgment is that the lives of each of us are forfeit: all of us are given into Christ's Hands!
The Scriptural principle is unchangingly "life for life."
Christ died [as a trap in one sense] so that each of our lives would be forfeit; so that each of us would have to give an account of ourselves to Him, and so that our lives being taken, destroyed, and remoulded by Him, each of us would essentially and vitally eventually come to share of His joy, holiness, and divine rest.
The Blood is required at each of our hands and nothing but the forfeiture of each of our lives into His superior life will do. At the moment when Christ was raised from the dead, every man, woman, child, animal, and angel became His slave to do with as He pleases.
And as His will is only one of compassion and of fulfilling all of His heavenly Father's good pleasure, then each of us is secured to finally know absolute holiness and happiness, no matter what He has to do to us, in us, and through us --from within Himself [throughout]; within each of us and all around us.
His kingdom rules over all!
(See: Psalm 2, Psalm 22, Psalm 103, Psalm 147, and Psalm 150)
All other considerations of judgment: "eye for eye," "tooth for tooth," and "life for life" are subordinate to this grand truth that all lives are required by justice to be the secured possessions of the Son of God. And all judgment has been commited into the care of the Son.
Thank God, that as we walk in the light (or begin to in distant eons after prolonged punishments) as He is in the light, His Blood rather than speaking the vengeful words of righteous Abel will demand that we're cleansed from all unrighteousness and will itself ultimately cleanse all of us from unrighteousness!
Ever felt like you'd messed up so badly that everything was over? Ever felt like perhaps you were deceiving yourself and that there never really was anything worth living for? If there's something worth dying for, then there must be something worth living for. And if someone can die a senseless death then someone can live a meaningful life.
Why did someone you loved have to die? Ever thought about the reverse as to why they had to live? They may have been a great comfort to you. Now destiny has called them outward and upward into fuller demensions of God's purposes for them. For whatever reason, you've learned all you could have learned from them. You've enjoyed their love as much as you could have ever enjoyed it in this present age.
Many times death happens to spare us some greater evil.
Wouldn't it have sucked if so and so had lived another 40 years, but another few months and they would have turned on you like everyone else always has? While denial is always at the door and you want to say, "no, you didn't know so and so 'cause we were 'tight'!" You're right. I didn't know so and so, but I'm growing more and more acquainted with God every day and while He'll allow some things to grow a lot worse before they start getting better, there are other things that would not be tolerable that He'll mercifully stop, prevent, etc.
Life isn't worthless, though each of us is fully capable of making time worthless, at least in a certain limited context where we're personally concerned. Scripture clearly teaches to "redeem" the time. If time can be redeemed, then obviously it has a soul that we can allow to go straight to hell. We each must turn our personal time away from the flames of hell. Time is one of the most important things that we have and we must not allow it's soul to be required of it because we failed to yield it up to God as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable unto God for reasonable service.
Have you run away from heaven? What about from Christ? Are you a runaway? Have you pushed your heavenly Father aside? Perhaps it was unintentionally as you were trying to press the religious crowd away because you were tired of the hypocrisy, or the things that you thought were hypocrisy. Perhaps you were tired of a religious parent. Perhaps a particular preacher or church pushed you away. Maybe they were too controling and demanding.
No matter what has happened in the past to estrange you from Father's house, it's not too late to go back. It's not too late to take back things that you said to God, that you either didn't really mean or that you meant at the time but now realize was entirely wrong and out of place. God loves you, no matter how many churches have tried to chase you with the flames of hell. Ever noticed that it's the churches that have the flames of hell and how God's always only come to you with love? They're on fire and trying to pass the fire on to you. It's not "you against them," so please don't misunderstand me.
It doesn't matter what's happened in the past in the sense that nothing has ever taken God's concern for you away from Him. He loves you and it's time to come Home to Father's House. He'll never give up believing that you'll eventually come Home. He'll never stop opposing all of the things that are at war with your soul, whether they're things that are surrounding your soul or within your soul. He'll never stop opposing all of the things that are at war with your relationship with Himself. He'll never stop working in your life, enlightening and humbling you, 'causing your knees to bow before Him and your mouth to oppose every false concept of Him that you've ever had. He loves you and it's time to come Home. It's time to take His correcting and nurturing love, purpose, plan, and provision to yourself.
It's time to get real, give up confusing yourself, stop calling God in Christ everything He's never revealed to you of Himself, and bow before Him in total surrender --ready to listen, perceive, obey, learn, and understand. Stop taking for granted things that you don't emphatically know that He's told you. If He's never said it to you, then let it go.
What am I saying? It's time to bow before Christ intent to obey, whether He ever explains "why" to you or not. He's merciful and He's just enough to explain everything to you. And the very question that you're asking Him about may be the very thing that He's going to have to teach you 50 or a 100 other things before He can communicate the answer to this particular question that's on your heart towards Him. He's faithful. Aren't you tired of always being told "no" by God? And don't you want to understand why? Don't you understand that there's an area of disobedience in your life that's kept you from getting that candy bar at the check-out stand when you've been with God as He's been getting the things He's needed to get? You've acted up in the store. And now that you've been "done wrong" by God, you're still not "getting it."
Humility to listen and humility to obey, humility to be quiet, and humility to do as God tells you to do will get you absolutely anything and everything in the store one of the very next times that you go with God to the store. It's time to stop acting like an orphan, though, just because you've felt like God didn't treat you honorably. Think about His Name and His Reputation for a moment in all of your concerns about your own and how you think that God has made you to look in front of others. You've embarassed Him in the past by not doing what He was telling you to do --all of the while He was bragging to others about what you would do for Him and what He'd do for you in return.
He's gotten over it!
It's time for the two of you to be a Family, though, and to give up the excuses that you call reasons for being away from God. There are no good reasons for being alone and for being lonely in the deepest part of you. It's time to give up the Tom Sawyer, runaway, spirit. It's time to listen to the appeal of Christ on the Cross for you and God to be One, through Him. And it's time to put away all of the habits of living life as if there were no God. One doesn't have to be either an atheist or an agnostic to live life as if there were no God. The prayers of Jesus Christ are for your Oneness with God and for your wholeness through faithful hope and love. Being a runaway is no state of being that's ever worthy of a son or daughter of God, right?
None of us can afford, any longer, to find our personal value in the abundance of things that we own in this world or in the people that we DON'T have in our lives. Punishing yourself isn't going to bring them back. Their location and state of being is in God's hands. And as hard as it seems, old things have to pass away before all things new can be brought into your life. The things that we want and that we really hold before God as the things we're not willing to live without, either literally or figuratively, have consequences. To hold something in one's hands either literally, figuratively, or imaginatively will displace something we currently have either as an offering for this or that or as a seed towards this or that.
I'm not accusing you of anything. I'm encouraging you to be aware and to come back to life from the grave that you've been in. No, this life isn't worth living by any stretch, but God is worth knowing, obeying, and loving with all of your heart. Get as real with Him as you've ever wanted Him to be with you, ok? Both of you are tired of the b.s., ok? He loves you and desperately wants for you to know all of the "whys," not so that you can gloat as one having all of the answers but so you can take your place alongside Christ as a healer of the cosmos, as a purifier of every stream, and as someone who can help someone you still love find the place of their dreams.
There are things going on right now that are bigger than any issues that you may still have with Christ!
For those of us that have been burned by relationships, there needs to be a place where we can find healing before we start making "I'll never do that again" type of decisions about relationships. While someone has pain, then usually the first human instinct is to shield their pain, for men to turn against women and for women to turn against men. But I believe that there are steps that can be taken by anyone out of their pain, and, if God is willing, for you to reach the point where a new relationship would be possible and eventually probable.
One hurdle for anyone that's been through an ordeal of any kind is to avoid being revictimized by blame: should've, could've, would've. This is different from introspection about why you were drawn to that type of person for a relationship, if perhaps you had unrealistic expectations about another person, if you went into a relationship overly needy when staying single and working through those issues would have probably been best, what you believe relationships are supposed to be to start with, and what it is that you have to offer to a relationship.
Relationships of any kind are ministries and shouldn't be engaged in without the Word of God, although you don't need to walk around tying everything you're saying in the context of that relationship to a Scripture in a preaching sort of way. Everything does need to be rooted in the Word of God, so don't misunderstand me, but not all of life is a sermon to be preached to others at all times. I believe that the prophetic gifts of the Holy Spirit are available for relationships, because again, a relationship is about what you're going to give and you need a lot of insight to do that in a well-balanced way where the other person is the better for it and where you're having the time of your life at the same time.
Entering into a new relationship should be fun and not about comparing it with a previous relationship that had it's good and bad points. If you catch yourself doing that, then that's not only not fair and reason to question if you're entering into a new relationship too soon, but it's comparing apples with oranges. The comparisons aren't there to be made. You can't keep loving another person through this new person in your life. It's not fair to them and it'll create erroneous expectations on your part and it could doom the new relationship from the beginning.
Healing from previous relationships is an ongoing maintenance project, just like diet and exercise, because you don't want to project anything of any former or present relationship onto this other person. If a guy's relationship with his mother is sour, then he needs to deal with that to avoid having a misunderstanding with a potential mate where he winds up thinking or saying things to the effect of "all women are that way." Worshipping God in Spirit and in Truth; with the Word and with the Bread and Cup, and with your giving and fasting are going to be the best seasons of your life for entering into that healing. Some demons don't go out but by prayer and fasting and you need that worship time with God where all that matters is Him, and where He can communicate His infinite love to you as well.
I want to briefly address those of you who are so in love with someone that you feel sorta vulnerable and helpless at every thought of them. Perhaps you're in that phase where you're not even sure if there's genuine permission to say anything about it, 'cause you're not even sure if there's enough mutual interest to chance it. Perhaps when you talk with them, you're all apologetic for every near spilling of the biggest secret of your heart at the present moment.
You'll never go wrong using that heart intoxication as motivation and strength to pray for them. I didn't say anything about praying for yourself, that they'd ever love you back. I'm talking about your prayers for them being more numerous than anything else. Pray the Word of God over their spirit, soul, body, finances, and social life.
Pray for them that they'd be totally delivered of you by any necessary means, if your intoxication for them exceeds all sound reasoning and you're aware of anything about yourself in the least that wouldn't be the best possible situation for them to be involved with. Fast and pray for this one! This is the one where you'll best find out if you're genuinely falling in love with them. Your self sacrificial - just wanting what's 100% best for them, even if that's not [ever] you. This one will really make you reach for the kleenex, if you're enough man/woman of God to really be praying this fervently for them. You'll probably really draw Father God's heart into what you're up to with this one, to where if there's the least little possible way...
Pray for them more fervently than Moses ever prays for Israel; more fervently than Christ ever prays for the Church.
Pray selfLESSly until God either relieves you of this burst of love that's more than anything you've ever experienced in your life. Deliverance will either come for your own soul, or your love will be so refined that it'll either be irresistable, or you'll be free to love this person without pain if your prayers push them into other arms that God has for them.
However it works out, or floats in a "to be continued" mode, don't run from God and from the Word when just the mention or slightest thought of this person makes your knees go weak 'cause they're someone special to you. Share your newfound love for this person with God. He's loved them all of this time, before you even knew they existed. Let Him purify your heart and your motives.
And, you never know. One of these days, "maybe." But in the meantime, you've saved your own soul.
I wish I could offer you more guarantees than that, but I can't. People are going to do whatever they're going to do, and many times without the best, purest, or most informed of motives and reasoning. Let God be the One Who plays "cupid." The Creator of gold, diamonds, emeralds, and rubies Who Created all of that for you isn't about to bring you trash in His selection of the perfect companion for you.
I understand these kind of feelings. Trust me. I know the sense of utter helplessness. Oh, I understand, and wish that I had liberty to say more than this at the present time!1 And I also know that you'd better stick to the above ways of walking it out by faith - keeping absolutely every care cast on the Lord!!
Here's a challenge for those of you that think that you're all of that in the spirit - the challenge of your lives, if you want a relationship with genuine life in it: intermix all of the good stuff about yourself in conversations and/or correspondence with them with every reason you can think of in the world why this person should look elsewhere! When you can really go there with that much honesty and transparency, that's when you know that you're enough of a person and have enough to offer as a person, that they know on a certain level - have to know - that on a certain level, they're completely crazy if they leave it all on the table and go the other way. Be the person of character, honor, and transparency to where if the love of your life winds up in other arms anyway, the day will come when they'll know they've got the package that they've got 'cause when God offered better, they turned it down.
I'm not saying that that's easy. Everybody else is trying to refine their pickup lines! But a conversation that's as much about who you're not as it is about who you are will be unforgettable 'cause even if every person on earth read this, that I've written today, there's not but a hundred millionth of a percent of people that'll ever have the audacity to be this nude with another person.
If they wind up liking you in return, when you're being less than forthcoming, it's all junk that they're going to find out about anyway. Why withhold it, while there's the least bit of personal investment in the relationship that there will ever be? Don't just be honest, but be forthcoming about yourself. You'll blow their minds, even if they turn it down 'cause at some point in their lives that's what they've either always wanted or what they'll some day wish that they had after they've married for looks, money, reputation, career similarities, and everything else that's no guaranty in the emotional, fidelity, and communication departments.
I want to address a paragraph of this to those that know beyond a shadow of doubt that [the unchanging] Jesus Christ is inside of them; those who've passed the test thus far. Do you think that you're quite a bit past a crush and into genuine "head over heels" love with them? If you hear any incling that this person has found another relationship - any incling - you be the happiest person for them; be their biggest cheerleader! Yeah, your flesh will try to squirm, but so what? Look them in the eye all presumptuous in asking if they've found someone special with the biggest smile and most hopeful demeaner about you. And don't even give them time to answer before you start the congratulations! In other words, you act on all of the above that I've written you thus far that you've supposedly been doing in secret. Yeah, the deeper the love - at first - the deeper the mortification will be that you'll feel at even the remotest hint that they're with someone else now. But, so what? Tell them how much you love them and be on the presumptuous side that you couldn't be happier for them, before they can even let you know that it's just a friend or whatever. Push yourself out of the boat. If Christ is genuinely and truly in you, then part of you has already walked on the water before and told storms and emotions to "cool it" countless times to save the day! ...Unless of course, you've failed the test regarding Christ being in you...
One of these days, even if you run off a thousand of 'em, you're going to find someone that's going to be so excited by your forthcomingness, that they're going to reciprocate with everything that they've got. And when that happens, something special has genuinely just begun 'cause every basis for fear in the relationship has been mutually cast out and the curse has been broken.
In closing, I want to share ten basics for a great relationship:
1. Learn at absolutely all costs how to express your thoughts, feelings, and your needs out of a relationship in a clearly understandable, nonaccusatory way(s).
2. Doubt your own infallibility and allow equal time to other people's fallibility.
3. Judge others by their intentions and yourself by what you actually did, instead of the other way around.
4. No excuses, only apologies when appropriate.
5. Don't evade on important questions and issues.
6. Be forthcoming and don't lie. If emotions drove you to a lie, admit it to the one you've lied to, along with admitting the truth ASAP.
7. Don't depend on anyone but God with 100% of your being.
8. Expect more from yourself than you do from others.
9. Listen and ask questions and refuse to fail to understand.
10. Create a safe, nonthreatening environment and preserve it at all costs because it's the necessary fertilizer and life's blood to a great relationship.